February 10, 2015

4 Things Men Say (and should stop) to Get The Booty

If you'll recall here, my vagina is currently on vacation. Last time I checked, she was living it up in Dubai riding camels and ATVs.  She really seems to be enjoying her time away, and no matter how many times ask her when she's coming back, she always hits me with the one liner, "When you find something exciting for me to do." She's such a bitch.

Anyway,  as you'd expect, there are people (horny men) who want her to come home.  They want to hang out with her, caress and fondle her and of course, rock her world like never before. Of course they all felt that they were the man who can talk her our of retirement, and give her the excitement she's been looking for.  And would you believe, they would say and do anything to make me believe it? Check out a few of my favorites

1. We're both adults here with mutual desires.
Yes we are. But I don't desire to have sex with you, therefore it's not mutual. And you saying that won't make me believe otherwise. I don't want your overworked penis near my vacationing vagina. Cut it out.

2. I just want to taste it.
What am I, ice cream? A new flavor of Italian Ice? Oh, you must think I'm gelato. I don't know where your mouth has been! Do you brush twice a day and floss regularly? Do you use a tongue scraper? Where's your tonguefax homey? I need to know how much mileage is on that bad boy before you come flicking my way.

3. Why you being stingy?
Ummmmm, let's see...cuz it's mine!! And I'm not stingy - I'm selective. I have morals, values and  RESPECT for myself to not be out here passing her out like hot cakes and shit. I'm a giver yes, but I don't give it up just because you think it's a piece of candy I should share just because you asked.

4. Because I want it.
Well, I want you to disappear, but you won't. Looks like we're both losing here.

Share some of the lines you've been tossed to give up the booty!




  1. Ok Here we go
    1.I mean I'm going through some things and you would help me out
    Me:*buys you jergens*
    2.You know you want to...
    Me:Or nah
    3.I'll just put the tip in
    Me: Oh that'll stop pregnancy right??
    4.I just want to make you feel good
    Me:Eh, I mean there is pizza around..so I'll be aite!

  2. GIRL YESSS like I am looking at 99 ways to turn a man down when it comes to sex. I really enjoyed reading this! #BLMgirls!

  3. I wanna taste it! LMAO I am crying what am I gelato??? Yeah men are stupid I wish someone would tell me because I want it...and you can't have it if I say no..period! #BLMGirl!

    1. These men are ridiculous! But they do give me a good chuckle!