January 15, 2015

The Best Experience For Me...

Let me tell you why I loved him...

*Queue India Arie*
I remember the very first day I saw him
I found myself immediately intrigued by him
It's almost like I knew this man from another life
Like back then maybe I was his husband 
Maybe he was my wife

It was a Friday morning. I'm walking out of the cafeteria from picking up my usual breakfast, cheese grits and sweet tea. As  I'm leaving the cafe to head back to my desk,  I hear a voice say, "Excuse me pretty lady...Would you like to buy a raffle ticket?". I looked over in the direction from which the voice came and immediately stopped breathing. I'd seen him around the building before... tall, dark as midnight, handsome, no...no phine. This man was phine.

I blushed. And I don't blush.  "What are you raffling off?" I asked. He began speaking, but I didn't hear a word. You see, I'd already entered lala land where images of our first date were flashing through my mind. I decided right then that I would have him... or he would have me. Either way was a win - win in my book. I paid my dollar,  listed my name and number on the ticket and walked away like a boss. He'd be calling in 5, 4, 3...

A few days later he called. We talked for hours about our background, our family and life in general. He was a country boy, unmarried, no kids, military reservist and a college graduate who was now parlaying  in Corporate America. A Grown. Ass. Man.

 I was 22...he was 28. From our first date, we were inseparable. After years of dating the typical dope boy (teeny bopper shit) it was refreshing to meet a man with real goals, ambition and intelligence. I fell hard. So hard, I didn't have time to even consider catching myself. 

I mean, how could I? His nickname for me was "baby girl". When we were together, he never let my hand go. When he wrapped his arms around me, I felt secure and protected. Seeing me happy, was his happiness. He took me out to eat often, because he knew how much I loved to eat. We went on weekend getaways together and laughed, talked and shared ourselves with each other repeatedly. We had fun...

This man was perfect to me. But not perfect for me. In our earlier conversations, he was honest and told me he was in a relationship. I told him I appreciated his honesty and informed him we could be friends and nothing more. I didn't play second to anybody.

But I still fell anyway... 

Cause he is the truth
Said he is so real
And I love the way that he makes me feel
And if I am a reflection of him
Then I must be fly
Cause his light it shines so bright

Our fantasy world lasted for six amazing months, until one day my phone rang and his star player was on the other line. How did she get my number? Why is she calling me? Well, the cell phone bill is a snitch that's why. Any woman who sees an unfamiliar number plastered over her man's bill has a right to be concerned right? Right? 

Needless to say, our fairy tale ended  minus the happy ever after. I chose to be loyal to myself, and he chose to be loyal to their relationship. I was extremely hurt and angry but, I honestly didn't regret my decision to be in the relationship. I truly believe the old adage, "people come in your life for a reason or a season". His reason that season was to set  the tone for what I would  ultimately look for in men. Prior to him, my young naivety only required money as forms of love and affection. Being with him taught me that compassion, honesty, physical affection, respect and feeling protected were things I craved and needed. There's no way I could hate him, even though I tried.

How can the same man that makes me so mad
Turn right around and kiss me so soft
If he ever left me, I wouldn't even be sad
Cause there's a blessing in every lesson 
And I'm glad that I knew him at all

Fast forward 14 years later and he's happily married with kids now.  And though I've spent the last 14 years looking for a guy equivalent to him (minus the girl friend/wife), I knew way back then our purpose was complete. I walked away with the blue print I needed for the type of man I wanted.  I've met a few who were close, but they were always missing the key components that matter most to me. If I hadn't experienced him, I probably would've settled by now. But, I can't because I deserve to experience those feelings again. And I will experience those feeling again, but this time it'll be with a man who's not only good to me, but good for me.  I'm positive he's worth waiting for...

What about you? Have you ever had a so wrong but oh so right experience?



  1. What a great story, until you got to the girlfriend part! :-/ I can relate to dating the wrong guy due to being just plain sprung! Thank God for growth and taking those experiences as lessons learned! Great post!

  2. He is most definitely worth waiting for! I have found one who my heart loves and I will not trade him for the world. So continue to work on you and he will come in due time.

  3. Relationships are hard! But, you are right, with each one, we learn what it is our hearts truly want!

  4. I've been horriblu guilty of dating guys who are al wrong for me. I just can't seem to find "Mr. Right". Great post and thanks for sharing your story!

    1. Thank you Elle! I've been guilty of the same!

  5. Yes. This story resonates deeply. I'm married with a family now. A good man will come along when you are least expecting it. I think it's an amazing thing to live a happy single life and then BAM someone comes along and sweeps you off your feet. It'll happen again and this time you'll get your happily ever after.

    1. Yes Tia! I'm definitely enjoying this single life and preparing my mind and heart for the one I know is out there somewhere.
      Thank you for stopping by!